James Holbeck
  • Home
  • School & Sport Presentations
  • Corporate & Coaching
  • About James
  • Contact
  • Blog

When the Rooster Crows - An honest reflection on the Mitchell Pearce Saga

2/5/2016

46 Comments

 

                 "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”     

In life we make quite a few mistakes which most people give you grace for but eventually there gets to a point where people just tire of being kind. The quote (possibly by Plato), however, is so perfectly illustrated in league legend Andrew Johns' book The Two of Me that after reading the first two pages I closed the book feeling like I knew exactly what drove this amazing footballer and his antics. It probably is the battle that we see in many young males outworking in some form of anti-social behaviour. It was a reflection that revealed he had undergone at least some form of self-awareness process that many people never reach. It’s pertinent that Mitchell Pearce not only hears the words of Johns and goes through this process but is shown how to make peace with his own battle. We’ll get back to that shortly. 

 
In 1996 ACT Brumbies rugby union coach Rod Macqueen asked me to join the squad for the up-coming season but warned that I had a reputation as a drinker and needed to take a break. Not long after, I wandered home early one morning only to be greeted by Rod in the stairwell as he was walking out the door for a run. I’m sure it was no coincidence that he was positioned to live directly below my room in what came to be called the Melrose Place apartments. Interestingly, I didn’t get picked for the early games of that season. A year later when the Wallabies were touring Argentina, Rod pulled me aside to suggest that it was in my best interests that I had an early night but after a heady trip to a flooded Iguazu Falls, I thought it would be an idea to have a few drinks to celebrate. These ideas of mine never seemed to be good ideas, just ideas! On the bus the next day Rod sought me out to ask why I was seen coming home in the early hours of the morning after he had specifically asked me not to. I ended up being sent home with a few other players not needed in Europe, although it was for a combination of form & ill-discipline.  
 
Years after retiring I found myself having one of many shockers where not just my job was compromised but friendships. Apparently my drinks had been spiked by some ‘ friends’ who thought they’d help me ‘body-bag’ myself and at some stage I had cut both hands, with an artery in my finger getting sliced. My flat-mate had just cleaned the bathroom the night before and now I had just sprayed it with spurting blood. A mutual friend then said something that confronted me into realising that I had no idea of who I was. His words were... “I think you need to see someone about your drinking.” And then … “You are like a dancing monkey. People fill you up with alcohol and watch you dance till you fall over and then they laugh at you”. Ouch! It was true! I would just do anything to shock, make people laugh, demonstrate my drinking ability, show I was loose, forget my life, drown the pain, escape from who I was…
 
I really believe that many of these sporting guys we see in the papers are dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum as part of trying to appease what Andrew Johns describes below. When researching my psychology honours thesis on the beliefs that justify rape and associations with a sense of entitlement, I came across a term that helped me realise where that music might be coming from. The article written by Candace West and Don Zimmerman for Gender & Society magazine (1987) spoke of 'doing gender’. This term is used to describe a performative dance in each interaction whereby males for instance have to prove that they are man enough. Think about some males you meet who are forever trying to out-man other men or belittle any behaviour that does not represent hyper-masculinity...like showing any emotional vulnerability for caring for a woman. It’s really often seen as just playing around but it’s not without effect. Some guys take it to the extent of trying to humiliate other men and women as part of a play for power or to calm their insecurities, some of this driven by those with personality disorders.  
 
This made sense from my perspective in that I had realised I had no real sense of who I was and as a result I was playing the part of how I wanted to be seen by others. In the work of psychologist David Schnarch, people without a strong but flexible sense of self will attempt to reflect their self-worth & identity through the eyes of others. A reflective sense of self. They will do what they need to do to be seen favourably in the eyes of others. But didn’t Pearce do almost the opposite. Having no interest in what these people thought? It isn’t necessarily that they want the person to see them and think they are acting favourably but the intent is to play the part so that people see you as favourable according to actions that define the type of masculinity to which one prescribes. This socialised masculinity may depend on whether you work as a computer programmer or as a professional MMA fighter but for people without an established sense of who they are, they may well try to have a man-off against other men in order to prove themselves. A new scenario and away we go again. Each interaction is another role-play & challenge in being man enough. It becomes exhausting! I believe in a team it starts as playing out the character that the other players may want you to be or which positions you favourably within the team according to the espoused behaviours.
 
One of the other attributes of survival in a professional sport with such a big profile as rugby league is that you have to have a thick skin. The attitude of I don’t care what anyone thinks has to be a mantra of anyone whose performance and character is analysed every week by critics paid to see weaknesses. It’s hard to imagine what pressure the son of a former poster boy playing the same game must feel at one of the most scrutinised & perhaps despised clubs in the competition but that’s just a presumption. It’s also not an excuse.  
 
So what did Andrew Johns reveal in his book that goes against everything we think these guys need in being brought down to size? Remember as you read this that Johns could be argued as one of the greatest players to ever play the game. What did he say about himself? "To be brutally honest - I hated Joey Johns. I hated the superstar image I was perceived to be and I hated as much the person I really was.” In two sentences Johns has revealed the battle that some sociologists and psychologists would posit that many people seem to face. How do you find a peace within yourself when you hate both the expectation of who people want you to be but also that you hate the real you?  
 
I ended up having more shockers than I remember while drinking amongst the fun but it turned out for me that when life changed it had nothing to do with achievement or fame. I was sitting in a church a bitter and broken man who suddenly felt the peace of being enough. My experience suggests that you have to understand and accept the substance of who you are. Some people when they hear that I don’t drink anymore automatically assume that somehow I’m positioning myself as better than them but in reality I was someone who found it difficult not to drink myself into oblivion. I don’t drink because it is a weakness in me. Simply, when I realized I was enough I didn’t need to drink to appease others or the social pressures. Do I miss the overwhelming feeling of getting drunk with my mates? Absolutely! I chose to become a teetotaler five years ago despite knowing how much it would cost me because it was going to cost me more.       
 
Pearce, in my opinion has to face the battle within, understand why he drinks, be kind where the shame lurks and find not just a sense of who is and what he stands for; but also realise that true strength is to be able to stand alone without needing to dance to anyone else’s beat. A real hardened working class bloke said to me last year you’ve got to challenge these blokes with ...‘ do you have the character to carry your talent’? It was the typical wisdom held by those who have had to battle and recover from many mistakes made through life’s challenges. I’ve met a man who had lived in a sewerage drain for part of his life as an alcoholic and heard of a woman living out of the bins in Town Hall Square in Sydney both of whom found the strength to turn their lives around. I am hopeful this could be the story of someone who transforms his life and helps change those around him who struggle with the same battle. My experience is that we will want to minimize what he’s done & to be honest I’ve heard of much worse but I for one believe he can and must start the process now. For the rooster has crowed too many times.        

James Holbeck speaks in schools, for sporting teams & corporate engagements.   

46 Comments
Nicholas Wright link
2/2/2016 12:05:08 am

Interesting insight.

Reply
David Grimmond
2/2/2016 03:18:28 am

Very well put Jimmy!

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:36:18 am

Thanks Grimmo!

James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:35:41 am

Thanks Nicholas!

Reply
Arron
2/2/2016 01:14:58 pm

Thank you for being so candid Jimmy. This reflection is important for others to read. Hope our paths cross again soon.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:37:20 am

Thanks Arron! Be great to catch up at some point!

Reply
Peter Dunn
2/2/2016 01:38:39 pm

Great article Jimmy

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:37:52 am

Thanks Dunny!

Reply
Mitch
2/2/2016 05:54:25 pm

Thanks for sharing hambone . Great insight to the challenges of Life . Be great to catch up soon my friend .

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:44:43 am

Thanks Mitch!

Reply
Nick
2/2/2016 07:25:24 pm

And what a great job you have done at transforming lives and changing those who are struggling with their own battles.

Thanks for a thought provoking read Jimmy.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:45:32 am

Thanks Nick! Enjoy the big smoke this weekend!

Reply
Bowks
2/3/2016 01:18:19 am

wow, could have done with that speech 20 years ago, but to busy doing what you were doing

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:47:37 am

Thanks Bowks - it was a fun time but like you said it'd be great to have heard something like this so we could find some balance earlier! Hoping schools & sporting teams might be open to some presentations around this area!

Reply
Greg Harris
2/3/2016 01:49:00 pm

A very insightful article James and one, which from my own personal and professional experiences, very much encapsulates the issue. The bottom line is that others cannot help you unless you really want to help yourself and that means clearly defining the problem before it can be addressed. As Ron Barassi, a great man, who I had the pleasure of once working with used to say to our players - "If it is to be it is up to me".

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/4/2016 03:48:38 am

Thanks for taking the time to message Greg! All the best for the season & hope you're enjoying the job!!

Reply
Daniel Manu link
2/5/2016 12:42:07 am

Thanks Jimmy I can only relate to that too well. It takes courage to face your demons. I had the pleasure of touring with Filter and Johns a few years ago and must say they were fantastic blokes!

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/5/2016 08:56:58 pm

Thanks big Danny! Imagine they'd be lots of fun to travel with. Hope you're well.

Reply
Jaz Ochoa
2/5/2016 05:04:44 am

Great Jimmy! Thank you for your transparency & encouragement to be kind to the person despite the behaviour exhibited. A timely reminder.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/5/2016 08:59:32 pm

Thanks Jaz! I don't think you are wrong to expect a certain standard of behaviour from our sporting stars but sometimes the answer for change might not be to beat them with a long stick.

Reply
Mark Bartholomeusz
2/6/2016 01:06:58 am

Great article Jimmy. Extremely thought provoking!

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/6/2016 07:29:10 pm

Thanks Muzza!

Reply
Brett Robinson
2/6/2016 01:34:36 pm

Hambone
A credit to you my good friend. We need your experience and wisdom to be imparted on our young men - keep following the great spirit within yourself
Robbo

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/6/2016 07:31:03 pm

Thanks for the message & encouragement Robbo!

Reply
Malcolm Astle
2/6/2016 02:04:36 pm

Jimmy, thanks for the honest and open comments. Lots of 'ordinary' men struggle with their demons of which alcohol is only one. The struggle and learning from the struggle is worth it. It is a great encouragement to read of yours and others overcoming. Thanks again.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/6/2016 07:34:28 pm

Hi Malcolm, appreciate the response & agree the struggle in its various forms & outworkings is quite a normal part of becoming a responsible man...or woman. Jimmy

Reply
David Shand
2/6/2016 08:40:42 pm

Jimmy, Very thought provoking post and more importantly impressive for you to do it by putting yourself out there with the honesty about your life and mistakes. I must say it makes me consider situations differently now.

Well done buddy keep looking after yourself.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/7/2016 03:42:45 am

Thanks Shandy! I'm not saying it wasn't fun but there came a time to change directions!

Reply
melgibson
2/6/2016 09:20:05 pm

James, you should work the Hillsong circuit. $$$$. A quick Q... If as you say, "you" can hate the socially constructed or illusory self AND "you" can hate the real self....from what godlike position is this "you" coming from. A johns confessed and wrote a confessional book, like you, to salvage a career. The dancing monkey is always there....$$$$$

Reply
Sam
2/7/2016 01:16:19 am

Pretty aggressive Melgibson.

I found the piece really interesting. I'm 40 and haven't had a drink for over 18 months after 20 years of depending on it for good times and bad.

Shouldn't we be encouraging clear thinking on booze and its effects and engaging role modes like James to at least start the conversation about pros and cons of alcohol and all of our relationship with it?

The guy has had his own experience as have we all and now is looking to share it. He's not judging anyone or asking to be judged.

I for one celebrate his positivity and ability to be content just being.

The more people we have making intelligent decisions the less we will need to try on heavy handed policing as in NSW and the health system all over the world to pick up the pieces.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/7/2016 05:43:01 am

Thanks for the encouragement Sam. Glad you're doing well off the booze. I get what Melgibson is asking, which is a great philosophical question but I know some of the language written & assuming I know who it is so he can ring whenever he wants. All the best!

Paul Black
2/7/2016 06:05:11 am

Well said Jimmy, one of my favourite Brumbies from the early years of Super Rugby. Hope your message gets across, particularly to the kids. All the best champ.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/7/2016 04:21:38 pm

Thanks so much Paul! Those early days were a long time ago but great memories! Thanks for the encouragement!

Reply
Michael Johnstone
2/7/2016 01:12:26 pm

Jimmy, what a great piece.....it certainly captures much of my experience.....especially the "dancing monkey", in teams/clubs everyone have their roles on and off the field....sometimes these are destructive to both...cheers mate. Spicko

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/7/2016 04:24:45 pm

Hey Spicko! I thought I heard your name mentioned recently but can't for the life of me remember who it was. Very true as you said from my experience too buddy. Hope you are well!!

Reply
Matt W
2/7/2016 07:17:36 pm

Very interesting perspective and well written article James. It is something I can very much relate to in regards to the drinking and not being able to stop. In regards to Mitchell Pearce, what a lot of people don't realise is that there is actually a history of alcoholism within his family. Everyone points to Wayne Pearce as the guy who never had a drink in his life, but what they don't realise is that Wayne's father and brother suffered from alcoholism and now it looks as though Mitchell may have the same issue. There is always more to every story that people don't see.

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/9/2016 02:35:04 pm

Hi Matt, thanks for those insights! Yes it's easy to presume we know what's going on for people or to see their behaviour and think we know why they do it but as always as you've pointed out we haven't walked in their shoes and these things are like human nature - much more complicated than they seem. All the best!

Reply
Mark Sayers
2/7/2016 09:40:00 pm

Nicely done mate – honesty is powerful tool. Really pleased that you have conquered your demons and are using your experiences to educate and help others.
Stay well

Reply
James Holbeck link
2/9/2016 02:37:10 pm

Hi Mark, Thanks so much buddy! Trust you guys are well up there!

Reply
Gus Gordon
2/9/2016 05:23:26 pm

Hey Jimmy, That was a really interesting (and particularly courageous) blog post, and one I'm sure many of our mates would've appreciated reading a long time ago. Well said mate. Hope you're well. Cheers, Gus

Reply
Thanks
2/10/2016 06:51:15 am

A great read, thanks for the candid insight into your battles. I was entrenched in footy culture from a young age have my own track record of embarrassment, injury and regret when it comes to drinking.

One point I would make, and where I feel sorry for Pearce, is that the man on the street doesn't have any idea of the intensity of the drinking culture that accompanies professional footy. The competitiveness doesn't end on the field and it's a slippery slope for young, impressionable kids surrounded by their heroes.

Not an excuse, but a worthy consideration that I'm sure you'll appreciate.

As for me, I haven't had a drink in 2 months and I have no desire to go back. Whilst there is nothing like a few schooners with close mates, and a few more into the night, I can now firmly acknowledge I'm a better man without the drink.

Thanks again.







Reply
James Holbeck link
2/11/2016 01:19:45 am

Thanks thanks! You are no doubt right about that competitive nature in all things within that culture! Congratulations on changing direction & agree that you've got to determine how you use alcohol & not how alcohol uses you!

Reply
Lingerie link
4/23/2016 12:00:09 pm

Very good article, well written and very thought out. I am looking forward to reading more of your posts in the future

Reply
hm link
5/9/2017 01:40:18 pm

I hated the superstar image I was perceived to be and I hated as much the person I really was.- that's rough.

Reply
aaa
9/4/2017 08:48:30 pm

nc

Reply
Faith Peters link
12/22/2020 04:19:53 pm

This was greeat to read

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    James (Jimmy) Holbeck

    Archives

    March 2018
    February 2017
    February 2016
    November 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

    View my profile on LinkedIn
Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • School & Sport Presentations
  • Corporate & Coaching
  • About James
  • Contact
  • Blog